Gender Role Expectations OR Why Baby Will Be A Surprise

When I was a little girl, I had a lot of porcelain dolls.  They lived in my closet, on the top shelf where I couldn't reach them.  They stayed in their boxes.  They looked sort of like this:

So, if I didn't/couldn't play with them, why exactly did I have them?  Well, they were all gifts.  Gifts from relatives who didn't know me.  All they knew was that I was a girl.  Same goes for any Barbies in my possession.  So, while these dolls were the spawn of good intentions and nice thoughts, really, when it comes down to it, they were a waste of money.  Somewhere I'm sure they still exist, in a storage unit or something.  The point is, no one ever really loved or enjoyed them.

What could my relatives have gotten me had traditional gender roles not tinged their judgement?  

Why, all manner of things!  I was a girl who loved to dig in the dirt (farming with grandparents + early exposure and love of Jurassic Park = DIGGING IS AWESOME).  I also loved toys that let me make things, like easy bake ovens, lite brites, and legos (although, I did still get the "girl" set, colored rose, lavender, and white).  And of course, I loved any and all art supplies.  

My favorite toy.

A mere 20 years later, and we live in a whole new world.  It's a miraculous era of instant access to any and all knowledge.  Thanks to the internet, now everyone has a voice.  People from all over the world can join together and form communities based on shared beliefs.  One such community is of independent and radical parents who look at every decision as a new way to enrich the cultural and intellectual lives of their children.  And what are these people saying?  That inflicting antiquated gender roles onto children at birth is simply wrong, and contributes to many problems which require years of therapy later on to fix.  What sort of problems?  Well, obviously there going to be bullying issues for children that enjoy things traditionally associated with the other gender ("Girls can't like Star Wars!" or  "Boys can't play princess!").  That's bad enough if the child turns out to be hetero-normative.  But what if they're not?  What if they are gay, lesbian, or any of the other shades of LGBTQ?  Then it's even more of a nightmare.  Why do we force these issues onto innocent children?

Now, I'm not saying that anyone that buys a fire truck for a boy or a doll for a girl is a raging homophobe or some anti-intellectual knuckle dragger.  But conditioning starts at birth.  You have your traditionally acceptable clothes, your toys, your colors, your games, etc...   Then you have the inescapable presence of the t.v. and media influence.  And in many instances, just the way adults talk to kids can change based on whether it's a boy or a girl.  It all adds up to kids assuming that they are meant to be one way or the other, and then having major issues when they don't fit into a perfect box.  Well, none of us do, do we?

Some parents are going to extremes to correct this problem, such as this British couple who did not reveal their son's gender until age 5, or this Toronto couple, attempting to do the same.  Well, we're not going to those lengths (although I personally think it's awesome!), but we are going to try and do our part not to put any undue expectations on our kid.  This starts with not revealing our child's name/gender until after the birth.  

While of course we appreciate the generosity and kindness of anyone in our family and friend group giving baby gifts, we want to make sure that our kid starts out right.  So give whatever!  Give a useful gift, a funny gift, a gift with sentimental importance.  Just don't give a gift covered in pink ruffles or emblazoned with army men.  A link on the left side of the page takes you to our online registry, which further explains our nursery design.  Of course, you don't have to order off the list, but it will give you a good idea of what to look for.  And of course, no gift is actually necessary.  Our young one is being born into a wealth of love from us and our family.  

Note about online registry: Going with an online registry instead of a traditional in store registry allows us to pick items from any store that has a website and keep them in one place.  If you don't usually buy stuff online, or feel more comfortable buying at a store, no big deal!  Just think of it as a guide.  And don't forget, we're first time parents, so everything is needed, and EVERYTHING is appreciated.  

Bonus:  There is also this awesome lady, who is doing her best to make the world of children's toys less sexist: